Debreifing: He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

Posted on January 14, 2009. Filed under: Books, Personal Reviews | Tags: , , , , , , |

This is a book that has been featured on Oprah and is from one of the Sex & The City masterminds. It was fun, humorous but I was a little bored of by the end of the book. The over arching message of this book is “You’re too good to put up with the crap men are dealing you“, and that is a VERY important message for every girl, no matter what age to hear.  Overall, even though I was a little tired of the message by the end, I don’t for one minute regret giving it my full attention and reading it all the way through. It was insightful, it was humorous and glorified women – just the messages I love to have piped into my head!

To start off, please understand that I’m not the typical demographic that the book is written for. I am not single, and I’m not in a terrible dead-end relationship that needs me to leave it. These may be some of the reasons that the book just missed me, but it is repetitive after a few chapters. The authors take letters that are written to Behrendt about relationships. All of the compiled letters are in the form of women defending their lame men. Some of them are hesnotintoyou.jpgactually dating, some of them just know this person, and some of them are in quasi-undefined relationships with these flunky men. At the end of each chapter an ah-ha letter is revealed that is from a reader who saw the silver lining that Behrendt encourages us all to see and tells us how much better her life is after following this guide.

The guide is practical and smart and ultimately it goes without say that most of the men described in these letters are ‘just not that into you’.  Some of the letters describe women who are just clinging for any form of relationship and any kind of love, it is a little sad to think that some of these women are just desperate and accept such terrible behavior as an excuse for a relationship from men. That makes me feel terrible for them. For the most part though the advice that the authors dish is practical and encourages women to be their best and expect nothing short of the best from men in return.

What is refreshing about this relationship book is that is is written by both a man and woman. While Behrendt reminds us that men will go the distance for women they care about and are serious about, Tuccillo explains why women have heard this before, don’t want to hear it now but why they should take this advice and do something about it. It is a refreshing voice that leads us through this book, both authors write from honesty and you want to do better for yourself after reading this through. Women are reminded every chapter to wake up and realize that “He’s Not that Into You”, and after hearing compelling arguments by both men and women for why you shouldn’t be in this relationship it’s hard to find an excuse to want to stay.

I took this a bit differently than the normal reader though. Since I am not single I enjoyed soaking up all the praise about women all over and how wonderful and worth it we are. What I really focused on was reflecting about past relationships that  may have been summed up into some of these sections, past flings that looking by it really makes you realize how blind one can be and I tried to see if anything in this books fits my new relationship (luckily not). It was good to look back on some past relationships though and be like , well yeah if I had read this then it would’ve saved me SO much time.

But is being in a relationship that is sour, but not abusive, really that terrible? I sure have learned a lot from those big mistakes and past relationships. I can say that part of the reason I think my current relationship is what it is can be attributed to my past and the lessons I have learned about love. I did find parts of this book to be a little demoralizing, I know that some women are stupid, and stay in loveless relationships for no practical reason other than ‘just because’ but at certain points I felt that if I were one of those women reading this it may actually make me feel worse than my dead-beat boyfriend. It would make me feel that I was stupid for holding onto something that doesn’t really exist and wanting something that just isn’t benefiting me at all. Reflecting on the past at certain chapters really made me think “Wow, were you dumb for getting into that and actually wanting to stay in that”, but in the end I learned.

This book tries to prevent some of the hurt and more of the lessons. It’s a good book and really tries to do it’s best to empower women. I am still a feminist at heart and think that women should be able to ask men out all they want, but yes Mr.Behrendt, you’re right: There are boundaries in relationships that no women should stoop to cross.

My Grade: B

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One Response to “Debreifing: He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo”

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You did a wonderful job with this review, and were somehow able to objectively judge the content beyond simply looking for inspiration to get out of a terrible relationship.

I anonymously gifted this book to an old college roommate when she was in a pathetic relationship and wouldn’t listen to any of her friends – I sometimes think it’s good to hear advice from an impartial third party.

I am looking forward to seeing the movie soon, for once am thinking the movie may be better than the book! Let me know your review of the movie if you see it 🙂


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